I have some serious parental figure issues. I've known it for while but lately, since the beginning of our move into my MIL's house, its really been rearing its ugly head.
My husband and I are from two totally different worlds. He is an only child, came from a devout Catholic family who spent practically every minute of the day, out side of work, together. Their threesome was very tight knit and he enjoyed his time, activities and vacations with his parents. They were always there to help him whether it be with money or other things. They were just always there... like... all the time.
Me on the other hand, am the youngest of the 9 children in my family. My family's religious practices were barely existant and we hardly saw each other. We were all always on our own doing our own thing. Our family was estranged, even though we all lived under the same roof. I didn't know my older brothers well and never spent time with them. My dad was always gone for work, and during my teen years had pretty much no involvement in my life. I helped to take care of Susan as if she were my child, so she really was never viewed as a parent at all...
I think you get the point... the list goes on and on... my husband and I are just totally opposites...
But, OPPOSITES attract!
So that's good news. We really get along great. In fact, we are head-over-heels in love with each other!! We have all the same interests, same sense of humor, same hobbies, same hopes and dreams... Our personalities however, are largely based on how we were raised.
Let me cut to the chase, cause I really could go on forever about this...
His mom drives me NUTS! Oh yes, I said it, and I don't regret it either.
She is always in our business, telling us what to do, doing everything in her power to control how we live our lives. Constantly calling, wanting to know where we are and what we are doing. What our work schedules are, did we get our bills paid on time... etc etc...
I on the other hand have a mother that really couldn't care less what I do, where I go or where I work. While she made her opinions about her paranoid ideas very well known, she really minded her own business once I moved out on my own. When I did talk to her, it was brief, "how's the weather" kind of thing, and phone calls were only made when she needed help with something.
I think, and this is just my opinion, that my MIL will always see her son as a little child and my mom will always see me as an adult, or at the very least, her equal.
I really could go on pages and pages about the differences between my upbringing and his upbringing, my mom and his mom, my ideas of what parenting should be and his ideas of what it should be, etc... But I won't...
I've always wondered what having a "normal" mother would be like. Then I take a look at my MIL and the way she is with me and my husband and I am just in shock! Are we ALL nuts?! What is normal anyways? Neither Susan or my MIL is normal by any standards. They are both one extreme to another. One way too involved and the other not ever really involved at all.
Being a mother myself, I often wonder what a "normal" mother would be... I often wonder what I can do to be in the happy medium of where my Mom and my MIL currently are.
So what is right and what is normal? Are us parents just destined to screw up and be crazy no matter what we do?!
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