The Company You Keep...

I've been told what I should or shouldn't do my entire life.

I think this is ok when you're a child, since it is a parents' responsibility to tell you what to so that you know what to do. Otherwise you would have just gone and thrown your hand on that hot stove in the kitchen.

My issue was that it never stopped. Well into my teen years and my early adulthood I have been told how to live my life. Even sadder, I always did what I was told regardless of my gut feelings or intuition.

My reason for going out and just doing what I was told was because I did not have faith in my self. I did not trust myself enough to make the right decisions for me. I thought that I was an unintelligent person not capable of making the right decisions for me.

I have been beaten down my entire life, not physically, more of a mental and emotional beating. Beatings that told me that I wasn't good enough, smart enough, and that I was worthless. That my ideas and my feelings didn't matter and that whatever ideas that I had for myself were awful simply because they came from me.

Obviously, this caused to me close up and basically shut my mouth. I lost all trust in everyone and myself. Whatever I had to say, whatever I felt, was bogus because I was a worthless idiot.

This self discovery came to me last July when I attended a Seminar (I have mentioned it in other Blogs) and it really opened my eyes as to why I am where I am in my life. Realizing that I had a choice to not always do what others tell me to do, and doing what I felt was right for myself, for the first time in my life has been a liberating discovery. Realizing that I am an intelligent, capable woman has given me control over my life.

Since then I have had much more faith and belief in my own ideas and my own choices. My confidence has sky-rocketed and I realized that people who do not value what I have to say are simply not worth my time. I have had enough of that in my life and I know that I am beyond that now. I know that being surrounded with those kinds of people does not serve me now, and never will.

I come across people on a regular basis who tell me that my feelings don't matter. I've had people tell me that my feelings are "B.S." when I have been brave enough to open up about them. I have had people complain that I am too negative, or a "downer" when I do express my feelings. I continue to have people tell me what is best for me and that I am not good enough to make my own decisions.

I think there are A LOT of people who have these types of people in their lives, and let me tell you, it does not have to be so. You can make a decision to surround yourself with people who believe in you and your capabilities. You can surround yourself with people who embrace your crazy ideas even though those ideas may fail. You can surround yourself with people who know that the sky is the limit for you and who you know will never hold you back from what you truly want.

I have had a huge support system in my life... a lot of people who have supported me 110% in mediocrity. People who have supported my being a waitress for 8 years (and continue to support me in it) rather than do what I am capable of.

Choosing to have those people out of my life will be best for me in the long run, because I have had those people in my life my entire life, and listening to them has gotten me to where I am today, which is not where I ever pictured myself being.

Why continue to take the beating when you do not have to?

Why surround yourself with people who think they know what is best for you?

You are capable of handling your own life!! Does this mean that you will do everything perfectly?! NO! Will you fail sometimes?! YES! Will you learn from your failures?! I certainly hope so! Does this mean shutting out everyone's ideas?! NO! Take them into consideration, just do what you know is best for you regardless of what they say or don't say! Does this mean you have to do it on your own?! NO! Just make sure you surround yourself with the right people!

I suppose this Blog has nothing to do with Mental Illness or Susan or anything like that, however, I think everyone can learn from it, regardless of your upbringing. I ask that you think about what I have said here. It may save your life. It may save your self esteem! It may save your belief in what you are capable of! Because... YOU ARE CAPABLE OF ANYTHING!!!

Cheesy?! HELL NO! Its the truth! Now get out there and live your life! Have faith in yourself! Take risks! And don't let anyone tell you that what you feel and think is worthless!

Hopefully this Blog reached someone. I suppose its kind of a rant. I am in ranting mode right now so please forgive me!

Here's to a life full of your awesome feelings, opinions, ideas, and crazy, unreasonable schemes! Don't be afraid to put them out there! The people who do not support you in these things are not worth your time, because you are worth so much more.