Those of you who don't already know, I recently got a new job. It isn't anything glamorous, but it is in the behavioral health field, which is the field I want to progress in, and they hired me regardless of my lack of experience. I am excited to finally get my foot in the door and with tuition reimbursement as one of their benefits, I am also excited to go to school and earn my degree in either clinical psychology or counseling.
I work for a non-profit at a transitional/homeless shelter for men. Its not a typical shelter, where random men crash for the night and then are never seen again. The men at this shelter are semi-permanent residents who call the center their home during their stay there. Some are fresh out of prison with somewhat disturbing charges, some have been homeless for years and have called the center their home for a long time, others, not as long. Others are young, much younger than myself, most of them being young men who simply aged out of the foster care system and had no where to go.
There are a lot of cons that I can see so far. The graveyard shift is enough to make most people weary. The small, gray, florescent-lit office that I am confined to most of my shift leaves a lot to be desired. The property rounds made through out the middle of the night, in not such a great neighborhood, is straight-up frightening. And the employee moral, not to mention the moral of the residents, is the worst I have ever seen in any place that I have worked in.
And on top of all of that, my first day was uncomfortable to say the least. Knowing the background of many of these men (convicted rapists... even a murderer just released from a 20 year sentence only 3 days ago, etc), it was hard to feel safe and comfortable as these men stared me down, many of them showing a lot of anger and aggression expressed on their faces. I was really upset after my first day and wondered if this job was worth having and if I was going to be safe while doing it. I wondered if perhaps the behavioral health field is the field for me or not. I wondered if maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment, constantly surrounding myself with unstable people because it is what I have become used to. The job that I was so excited to get suddenly became a major source of stress during the rest of my Sunday, all of Monday, and all of Tuesday before my shift started.
Last night was my first overnight shift and I made a promise to myself to give these men a chance. I promised to go in with a positive attitude and be happy and cheerful, regardless of my previous judgments. But as I pulled up in the parking lot at 11:30 pm, the same feelings of fear and anxiety began to rise up within me again, and I practically dragged my feet as I made my way to the depressing office that I now work in.
The night was slow, and boring, since the men are asleep during at least 80% of my shift, but I was happy to be free of the stares. Only a few stragglers drifted in shortly after midnight and the rest of my shift was uneventful. One young man, mid-20s I would say, came in from work around 12:30 am, asking for a 4 am wake up. I commented how little sleep he was getting, especially considering how tired he already looked. All he said was, "I get 3 1/2 hours of sleep a night. I go to school full time and work full time with overtime. I'm exhausted, but I know it will be worth it. I'm excited to have the opportunity to make something of myself."
After his brief explanation, he simply left, leaving me alone with my thoughts. Here this young man lives in a homeless shelter, works constantly, whose only mode of transportation is a bicycle, and only has 3 1/2 hours to recover from his 20 hour days... and he is grateful for the opportunity he has to do it.
Wow...
I don't know about you, but it really makes me think. It forced me to take a look at my life and the things that I have been blessed with and the many wonderful things that I am ungrateful for. It also forced me to take a second look at how I had judged these men from my only experience of them thus far... that being my first day.
I decided right then and there that I must have something to learn from these men, regardless of their past transgressions. After all, I've made my share of mistakes, and still turned out to be a pretty decent person. Was I simply too hasty in making my decisions about them?
As the men woke up, made their way to the dining room for breakfast, and lined up at my table to take their morning medications, I made it a point to be genuine and kind to each and every one of them, even the ones that gave me the frightening stare-down my first day and the ones I know to be convicted rapists and whatnot.
I greeted them cheerfully, asking them how they slept, what their plans were for the day, made small talk with them, joked, and made it a point to remember each of their names (that will take a while, there are 85 residents after all).
It was amazing to see how many of these men were caught off guard by my interaction with them, like they had never been talked to that way, or had never had anyone (or at least a woman) treat them like they were just normal people. Many looked at me like I was crazy when I greeted them, and shot me dirty looks. But as I continued on with the questions about them and kept a good attitude, they actually started to smile and open up a little bit. One man even commented that he was going to like waking up to see me in the mornings. How sweet is that?!
Please don't think that I am saying any of this to brag or to boast about myself. My point is, on Sunday I was ready to quit, not wanting anything to do with the "types" that lived there. But then I made a conscious decision to change my attitude and leave behind my judgments, and you know what? It was a pretty awesome morning and I can tell that I made a difference in a lot of the men's lives today :)
This is what I've wanted for a really long time. I've wanted a chance to make a difference in this world, even if it was just in the smallest of ways or to only one person. And it seems that I have found it.
I am GRATEFUL for the OPPORTUNITY I have to learn and grow with these men and live up to my job title as a "Support Partner". I am grateful that I had gained enough self-awareness when I talked to that tired guy with the 4 am wake up and was able to then change my perspective and change my attitude, and that by changing those things, and putting a genuine smile on my face, I was able to brighten someone's day, even just a little. Oh, and my day too :)
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